What is it about hats? My experiences with this garb have left little doubt in the scope of its influence over human character. Every time I think about this I remember that Looney Tunes episode where Elmer Fud and Bugs Bunny are doing their usual running about – this time amidst a sky of falling hats. It doesn’t make much sense that hats would be falling for half an hour after falling out of a “hat truck”, but the effect that donning a new hat has on the character is a lot less mystifying. I don’t remember every detail of this Bugs Bunny episode, but it really drives home this point – that, in a sense, we are what we wear.
I had just received a package from home. This one was from my grandparents. My grandparents have always spoiled me from the time I was a little one, but I turned out alright regardless…I think. So long as you realize that you’re spoiled, then you should be ok, unless you happen to be one of the unfortunate ones who feels entitled to smothery love. I have always been the recipient of spoils within my circle of family and friends. I wonder if it has anything to do with my quiet nature. I seem to give people the illusion that I am a respectable guy from keeping my mouth shut. Give it a try – it works. People also tend to think that I’m rather laid back, which shows you their big misunderstanding of the circus that goes on in my mind. The reason I am so quiet is that there is so much noise going on upstairs that I tend to just sit in consternation with a jaded look on my face. An X-girlfriend most apply referred to this state as “being in the moon”.
Anyway, I opened the package after getting back from town, and inside I found a screw driver (thanks granddad), a handsome shirt, and a hat. I probably haven’t worn a hat since my days on the baseball diamond. In part, because I have this nagging fear that it is going to exacerbate the onset of baldness. I am not sure how well warranted that fear is, but it didn’t stop me from taking interest in the hat that lay before me.
I was thinking about investing in a hat anyway. I am tempted to buy a hat that is a complete contradiction to my character just to test the hat effect. Lots of the Jamaican guys wear baseball caps, most of which have the New York Yankees logo on the front. There are a lot of variations on this design though. You can find them in pretty much any color with your choice of bling bling. Your choices will range from several different versions of the dollar sign to actual pictures of the dollars – often in trimmed in gold. Who knew that baseball was going to be so inspirational in a culture that boasts of cricket? I wonder what Babe Ruth would say. Actually, forget the New York Yankees. I think I’ll go “all out” and buy one that reads Iced Out Money or Hustler.
Have any of you ever noticed the difference in how black men and white men wear baseball hats nowadays. It’s interesting how social deviance is being expressed in opposite ways by opposite races. One needn’t look any farther than the bill of the hat to see this. I don’t know why it happened this way, but black men are adamant about keeping the bill of their baseball caps straight, while white men seem to bend the hell out of them. To Jamaicans, white people are decidedly unkempt race. It is not just Jamaicans though, but young African Americans as well that make every effort to preserve the newness of a clothing accessory such as a hat – hence the label hanging from the hat. It is interesting how they never take ownership over it. One could even say it takes ownership over them.
White people are the opposite. We treat a hat like a pair of old shoes. Our attachment in hats is measured not only in the amount of time it has spent on our heads, molding our personalities, but also how much damage it has suffered while in our possession. Contorting the hat’s bill is our best effort at taking immediate ownership over it – fitting the hat to our personality instead of fitting our personality to the hat, but even this does not free us from the hat effect.
As I picked the hat out of the box and put it on my head I noticed something missing. I needed a baseball glove on my left hand. Actually, the hat effect never took hold until I looked in the mirror and saw a stranger looking back. This hat was special too, because it had these little lights that shine from the bill. I am not sure what effect that is going to have on my character. I noticed the unfamiliar sense of security that having a bill to cover my eyes provided. It really is true. Putting on a hat is going to change the way people look at me – it is going to change the way I look at me.
